When Trying Harder Isn't Working

Abandoning striving, systems, and self-effort to rediscover simple, childlike friendship and connection with Jesus.

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. - John 15:5-8

Nothing bothers me more than the gap between my life and the Christianity I read about in the New Testament.

Do you feel the same way? How do you deal with it? 

Do you choose not to think about it? Do you feel disqualified already? Have you given up? Do you hope someone else will get it, so you can at least witness it? Have you settled for a Christianity that isn’t groundbreaking, but at least is better than that of the church down the road? Are you working with all your energy, hoping the breakthrough is just around the corner? Have you been so turned off by what you see in church that you wonder if it’s all even real?

I ache for the power I read about in the book of Acts. Growing up in 90s Britain, a deeply cynical, secular culture, surrounded by atheists and agnostics who found Christianity either ridiculous or worse, uninteresting, I was desperate for something to break through the lies. Why couldn't my friends see the truth? It must be because of me. It certainly wasn’t God’s fault! I wasn’t enough. If I only had the faith to do miracles, the wisdom and boldness to articulate the gospel, surely then my precious friends would accept Jesus?

I don't have words for how badly I want to see a move of God in my town. I think the last twenty or so years of my life have been a pursuit of somehow, anyhow, finding faith for that kind of miracle and bringing it back. I went to a school of ministry in the hopes that God would zap me and turn me into a super-Christian, an English Heidi Baker - but no luck. I tried working with all my heart, giving all my time, zeal, and energy, and sacrificing everything in the hope that God would send a revival. All I got was self-righteousness, followed by disillusionment.

Yesterday, it finally hit my heart: God wants to be my friend. He wants the kind of moment-to-moment sharing of thoughts, feelings, struggles, and time that I have with my husband. The God-shaped hole inside me, in practical terms, is the need for His company, His comfort, His encouragement, and His advice. He wants to transform my life through relationship.

I then had an even more shocking revelation, for which I am very sorry: I don’t really want to be God’s friend. I mean, I do in theory. But in practice…how much time will it take? I like goals that I can set and achieve. How do you succeed at being a friend? How long will it take before it works? 

Intimacy with the Holy Spirit sounds good, but will it really produce the results I long for?

Jesus said of the Pharisees: “You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life.” - John 5:39-40

The Pharisees get a bad rep, but they worked HARD. They knew the Scriptures back to front. They tithed their garden herbs. They were competitive about resting of all things! We chuckle, but are we so different? In our religious activities, have we found something we think is more effective, that we would prefer to do, RATHER than come to Jesus?

Paul said to the Galatians: Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh? Applied to our context: having been saved by an act of God’s grace, are we now trying to achieve success, either in ministry or in personal transformation, through our own efforts?

I can testify that when we put our faith in our system - our church, our pastor, our method, our message, our denomination - we end up leaving Jesus behind. It’s easier to do than you might think. Trusting in a system leads to self-righteousness, pride, and narcissism. We start to believe we are among the brave few who truly follow the Way. We elevate our system to the status of saviour—defending it at all costs—while casting aside anyone who challenges it.

This is all, unfortunately, inevitable if our focus is on what we can do rather than what God is doing.

Ok, so striving doesn’t work. Am I supposed to do NOTHING? Just give up and watch from the sidelines? Go through the motions and hope it’s working for someone else?

What does Jesus actually tell us to do? 

Come to me. 

How are we supposed to come? Like a child. 

"Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." 

When I hear this verse, I picture myself listening to Jesus with my notepad at the ready - “Ok, give me the three-point plan - how do I humble myself like a child? Which books would you recommend reading? What should I go away and do?”

The thing is, I actually know all about little children: I have four of them. For example, I know what it sounds like when they ask you for something. My four-year-old can say, “Mama, I need you!” over and over and over for fifteen minutes without stopping or pausing, even for a moment, to consider whether Mama is likely to answer from inside the shower. 

When my kids ask for help with something, they're fine with me doing most of it, as long as they can participate in some way. Today we made lemonade. Lucy held the lemons. 

All my girls want is to be with me.

Jesus said to the Laodicean Christians: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” - Revelation 3:20

Our problem isn't that we don't work hard enough, that we haven’t implemented the right system, or that we’re too messed up and broken for God to change. We just find it incredibly hard to do the simple, uncomplicated, yet terrifying thing he is asking: have dinner with me.

Trust me. Listen to me. Put your life in my hands. Become a little child again. Pursue a relationship with me, not as a means to an end, not as a method of church growth, but as the reason for your existence.

I believe all of us, “younger brother” sinners and “older brother” saints alike, have the same problem: we will choose ANYTHING over relying on God like a child. That’s it. 

Jesus said to his disciples: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

Fruit grows on branches that are connected to the vine. Without that connection, there might be all kinds of activity, but there’s no fruit. It’s that simple. 

Here’s the incredibly encouraging part. That life with God, that power, that participation in what God is doing in the world, IS AVAILABLE. More than that, it’s actually PROMISED. God does not, cannot lie. He also does not have favourites. If Jesus says this life is available to you and me, then it really is.

“Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” - John 14:12

That means, if I am willing to go on this different, sideways, vulnerable, not-in-my-control journey of relationship with Jesus rather than my-effort-focused Christian activity, I WILL find the life I was born for.

Ask and it WILL be given to you. Seek and you WILL find. Knock and the door will NOT be closed in your face (not holy enough, not special enough, not talented enough, too broken, too easily distracted, too young, too old). 

Sometimes I’m so frustrated that I'm a 21st-century Westerner, born with every comfort and convenience of life handed to me, because I know my abundance is the source of my huge struggle to have faith. It’s why I often pray with no expectation of being heard. It’s why I have a hard time getting up in the morning to have a quiet time. Like the Laodiceans, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But (I) do not realize that (I am) wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.'

What if even my lack of faith could be the thing that pushes me to Jesus? What if I just get so frustrated with both my striving and my apathy that I actually decide to come to Him?

Friends, let’s go back and start again. If you have watered down Christianity to something you can manage on your own, come to him. If you have been chewed up and spat out by church, come to him. If you find yourself busy with every Christian activity possible, come to him.

Jesus is telling the truth. Every promise is real. Let’s invest everything in staying connected to the vine and becoming a friend of God.

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